The Joy of Saying No

by Karrin

Learning to say “no” isn’t easy but it’s impossible to have a sense of purpose or identify unless until we do. Learning to say no can be a matter of life or death. The UNIFEM (United Nations Development Fund for Women) produced this PSA with Nicole Kidman as part of the Say NO to Violence Against Women campaign. 

This short video clip is a clear example of people demonstrating how to say no to one of the most important issues in the world today.  If you are not used to saying no in a confident manner watch this video and see how it's done.

Saying “no” is just as valuable a skill as saying “yes.”  Being authentic is much more important than people pleasing.  It can feel empowering to say “no.”  If people do not value saying “no” it is only because they feel out of control with their own habits.  When people feel out of control they want to say “yes” to others in order to feel good.  

It takes courage to say “no” just like it takes wisdom to know what to say “yes” to. The value of saying “no” brings balance and purpose to life and gives us the freedom to express our highest potential. Life is full of choices for those who learn to say “yes” and “no” with confidence.

Dr. Charlotte DavisKasl in her book Women, Sex, and Addiction notes that "the strongest foundation for a primary relationship is self- knowledge and a commitment to following one’s inner truths.  The ideal relationship is one in which two people care for each other as they follow their separate callings."

Relationships in which people always say “yes” do not last.  The art of saying “no” is beautiful.  People can say “no thanks,” “thanks for asking,” “no, thank you,” “not for me, thanks,” and other phrases in a sing-song voice that is just as uplifting as saying yes.  Saying “no” can be poignant and elegant. 

Learning to say “no” to others allows others to say “no” to us.  When we know others can say “no” we know that when they say “yes” they do so out of choice or wholeheartedly and not out of guilt or obligation.  

Abroad and Back Again

a guest blog post by Julia

I am a study abroad advisor at a state university and I help prepare students who are planning to study abroad. However, students are generally preparing for their own independent adventure and don’t necessarily want advice about what I think they will feel while abroad and when they
return home.

When I moved to Seville, Spain to study abroad my junior year, I knew I was going to a country where I didn’t speak the language, didn’t know the history, and had no idea what it would look or feel like. I knew I was going to have to be ready for change and adjustment.

Breaking from the norm of my Midwestern Catholic college, I shared a room with a non-religious, vegetarian, feminist from Southern California (who now is one of my very best friends, Notes from the Ombligo editor Rosemari) in the apartment of a Spanish family.

Living and speaking with our “family,” professors, and friends from the US and Spain also made me look at life, politics, education, and language from another perspective. I had moments (and sometimes weeks) of doubt, tiredness, and frustration, along with great successes and feelings of accomplishment. It made me evaluate who I was, where I was willing to flex, and what I could and couldn’t give up.

The bigger shock came when I returned to the US university. Even though my study abroad advisor was drowning me in emails about international opportunities and re-entry workshops, I thought I was fine. Truth be told, I was going through classic readjustment. I wanted to speak Spanish and act like I was still in Spain. I made comparisons constantly. I was starting to despise and separate from the university community at my home school.

How did I handle such a difficult adjustment back to the US? I planned how I could go abroad again, and I stayed involved in an international community in Ohio. This led to another six months in Spain, teaching a year and a half in Mexico, pursuing a MA in Spanish, and choosing a career in international education. I was changed forever by going through the ups and downs that we warn our students about.

I am grateful for those sobbing moments on a rooftop in Mexico, the unsuccessful bus rides into town in Spain, and even the nostalgia for sangria I had when I returned. It has given me confidence. I have now traveled alone to South America for work. I’ve been able to adjust to living in different cultures in my own country - like a small town in Kansas and a community college in the inner city. It has shaped me and has given me the motivation to push myself out of my comfort zone and dare to be a different than the average bear.

This is why I am excited to send students from different backgrounds out into the world. Each person can benefit from living life a different way, seeing the world from a new perspective, and explaining their experience to someone from another culture.