The Joy of Saying No

by Karrin

Learning to say “no” isn’t easy but it’s impossible to have a sense of purpose or identify unless until we do. Learning to say no can be a matter of life or death. The UNIFEM (United Nations Development Fund for Women) produced this PSA with Nicole Kidman as part of the Say NO to Violence Against Women campaign. 

This short video clip is a clear example of people demonstrating how to say no to one of the most important issues in the world today.  If you are not used to saying no in a confident manner watch this video and see how it's done.

Saying “no” is just as valuable a skill as saying “yes.”  Being authentic is much more important than people pleasing.  It can feel empowering to say “no.”  If people do not value saying “no” it is only because they feel out of control with their own habits.  When people feel out of control they want to say “yes” to others in order to feel good.  

It takes courage to say “no” just like it takes wisdom to know what to say “yes” to. The value of saying “no” brings balance and purpose to life and gives us the freedom to express our highest potential. Life is full of choices for those who learn to say “yes” and “no” with confidence.

Dr. Charlotte DavisKasl in her book Women, Sex, and Addiction notes that "the strongest foundation for a primary relationship is self- knowledge and a commitment to following one’s inner truths.  The ideal relationship is one in which two people care for each other as they follow their separate callings."

Relationships in which people always say “yes” do not last.  The art of saying “no” is beautiful.  People can say “no thanks,” “thanks for asking,” “no, thank you,” “not for me, thanks,” and other phrases in a sing-song voice that is just as uplifting as saying yes.  Saying “no” can be poignant and elegant. 

Learning to say “no” to others allows others to say “no” to us.  When we know others can say “no” we know that when they say “yes” they do so out of choice or wholeheartedly and not out of guilt or obligation.  

Abroad and Back Again

a guest blog post by Julia

I am a study abroad advisor at a state university and I help prepare students who are planning to study abroad. However, students are generally preparing for their own independent adventure and don’t necessarily want advice about what I think they will feel while abroad and when they
return home.

When I moved to Seville, Spain to study abroad my junior year, I knew I was going to a country where I didn’t speak the language, didn’t know the history, and had no idea what it would look or feel like. I knew I was going to have to be ready for change and adjustment.

Breaking from the norm of my Midwestern Catholic college, I shared a room with a non-religious, vegetarian, feminist from Southern California (who now is one of my very best friends, Notes from the Ombligo editor Rosemari) in the apartment of a Spanish family.

Living and speaking with our “family,” professors, and friends from the US and Spain also made me look at life, politics, education, and language from another perspective. I had moments (and sometimes weeks) of doubt, tiredness, and frustration, along with great successes and feelings of accomplishment. It made me evaluate who I was, where I was willing to flex, and what I could and couldn’t give up.

The bigger shock came when I returned to the US university. Even though my study abroad advisor was drowning me in emails about international opportunities and re-entry workshops, I thought I was fine. Truth be told, I was going through classic readjustment. I wanted to speak Spanish and act like I was still in Spain. I made comparisons constantly. I was starting to despise and separate from the university community at my home school.

How did I handle such a difficult adjustment back to the US? I planned how I could go abroad again, and I stayed involved in an international community in Ohio. This led to another six months in Spain, teaching a year and a half in Mexico, pursuing a MA in Spanish, and choosing a career in international education. I was changed forever by going through the ups and downs that we warn our students about.

I am grateful for those sobbing moments on a rooftop in Mexico, the unsuccessful bus rides into town in Spain, and even the nostalgia for sangria I had when I returned. It has given me confidence. I have now traveled alone to South America for work. I’ve been able to adjust to living in different cultures in my own country - like a small town in Kansas and a community college in the inner city. It has shaped me and has given me the motivation to push myself out of my comfort zone and dare to be a different than the average bear.

This is why I am excited to send students from different backgrounds out into the world. Each person can benefit from living life a different way, seeing the world from a new perspective, and explaining their experience to someone from another culture.

Jay Smooth On Donald Trump, And Not Feeding The Trolls

by Rosemari


Today we got two blogs from my favorite vlogger, Jay Smooth, who always seems to say what I wish I was thinking.

This video critiques the problems of the news cycle in a way that makes me want to yell "squirrel," a la Jon Stewart in the Daily Show last September (see minute 3:30). His other one is posted here.

Jay Smooth's vlog often touches on racial/cultural/artistic/political issues. How to Tell People They Sound Racist, is my favorite piece. I've used it in trainings on racial disparities and his voice often comes to mind when confronting issues of race and other prejudices.

Artificial Food Isn't Really Food

by Karrin

Food has become a hidden drug. People used to farm their own food and seldom even ate sugar. Today people eat pounds of artificial chemicals each year which have been added to the food supply for the economic gain of industry. The majority of additives are the result of left over chemicals for sale. Most chemicals added to food have nothing to do with nutrition or the human body. The book The Poisons in Your Food outlines the history of food additives which began back in the 1940s. The majority of food additives are simply toxic chemicals that add bulk to prepackaged food acting as drugs which turn the body into a polluted landfill.

In eating disorder clinics, people who eat the most artificial foods have detoxification symptoms like that of a person on hard street drugs. Too much junk food causes digestive problems, head aches and mood disorders. Our culture has been brainwashed into thinking a little bit of poison in our food is okay. The problem is that many food additives make people have unreasonable cravings. Many artificial chemicals are stimulants that make people high followed by a crash and burn. When food becomes addictive it is no longer food.

People can’t resist the sudden burst of energy that they associate with junk food. The promise of junk food is so powerful it can be used to control people’s behavior. Unless people become educated about the dangers to eating artificial ingredients the food industry will be happy to keep providing them in larger and larger quantities. To learn more about artificial food verses whole foods check out the book If It’s Not Food Don’t Eat It by Kelly Hayford.



Coming off of artificial foods is not pain free. Recognizing the symptoms of detoxification and withdrawal can be seen as a good sign. Eating whole foods may feel artificial if one isn’t used to it. Food habits can change one bite at a time. Learning to read and care about food labels can be a fun hobby. Food is meant to be nourishing.

What we eat is not just a personal issue. The food choices we make have a huge ripple effect. Eating in harmony with the bodies needs is one of the most fundamental gifts of life we can give to ourselves and pass onto our children. Switching from artificial ingredients to wholesome foods results in physical vitality, emotional stability and mental clarity for the individual and is a great example for others. The better we take care of ourselves the better we can help take care of others and the world around us.

Summertime Funtime - Five Tips for Summer Planning

by Karrin

Summer is here and it's time to have fun. Every summer we are bombarded by the media with fantastical images of happy people on incredible vacations. The fantasy of summer is sunshine without sunburns, sand without a mess, and beautiful happy people ready to have fun. The truth is summer is amazing and beautiful if you plan for it to be that way.

When life feels like a rollercoaster people can’t wait for vacation. When an upcoming vacation becomes an excuse to work, diet, or spend money excessively the vacation may cause more stress than rejuvenation. Those that plan their summer schedule in advance end up being more moderate and actually have more fun. Planning in advance, when done in a sensible manner, helps us be realistic and prioritize our summer fun. Other people are more likely to fit into our summer plans when they know what the plans are.

The most important part of planning is the mood you are in while you make your plans - relationships are built one memory at a time. Here are five tips for summer planning:

1. Having an enthusiastic attitude is essential. 
2. Details are important in planning. 
3. Taking a realistic look at the time and money is relevant. 
4. Making time for everything takes time. 
5. When thinking of the possibilities think big.

Planning in advance doesn’t mean the weather will always cooperate or there will be no spontaneity. Planning actually enhances our ability to be flexible and adaptive. Taking the time to examine the different areas of our life and determine our priorities is insightful. A fulfilling summer might not only include play and relaxation, it may also include work, organization and new projects. When we take a moment to think about the specific people and experiences we’d love to have this summer, we begin to realize our role in making things happen. Summer is full of possibilities and dreams come true for everyone. What is your plan for the summer?

A New Anthem: Keep D.C. Wal-Mart Free

by Rosemari


The Respect D.C. Campaign seeks to keep Wal-Mart out of the District of Columbia.  I pass the yard signs through out my neighborhood of Pleasant Plains and often wonder if it's people who will get to decide what happens in their/our community. 

Photo Source

In the meantime, Monday, June 20, 2011 the U.S. Supreme Court decided to throw out the largest sexual discriminationlawsuit in American history — a nationwide class action lawsuit brought against Wal-Mart on behalf of 1.5 million female employees. 

When I checked out the song below, forwarded from social-justice-oriented photographer Roshan Ghirmire, I got goosebumps.  This song reminds me of Friday afternoons, walking to the beat of whatever Listen Vision Recording Studios happens to be spinning on their porch. To me, this song is the voice of the community. It tells the community's story. It's art as activism. And it gives me hope.  

And, on a side note, where else can you find Strom Thurmond and Trent Lott in a hip hop song?

Dear Daddy, I love you!

In honor of Father's Day, Notes from the Ombligo is highlighting the special relationship that fathers bring to our lives. This post is from the perspective of a young child.

by Karrin

Dear Daddy,

Happy Fathers Day

You are the coolest Dad on the top of the highest mountain. You are like a home run with bases loaded, a touch down on Super Bowl Sunday and Santa Claus all rolled into one. You are my Super Hero. Thanks for playing at the park, lifting me up to see and watching over me.

Dad, you make me feel like an All Star Kid. I feel like a Champion in your eyes. I can climb way up and swing up even higher when you push me. When I am on your shoulders I am on top of the world. You bring me my blanket and my drink. I love you.

Thank you for reading me books and showing me how to write my name. You can do so much. I want to do what you do. I want to eat what you eat and drink what you drink. You are better than all the purple dinosaurs in the world. You give the best pony rides on the block.

I’m the luckiest kid I know because you’re my Daddy. You hit the nail on the head when you had me. It was a hole in one. Happy Fathers Day to you. You are my Dad and I am your kid. I look up to you. You keep your eye on me, hustle up when I am hurt, and go the extra mile for me. Thanks for holding my hand when we cross the street and buckling me into my car seat. Thanks for waiting for me and letting me come with you.

You are a world class Dad.

Happy Fathers Day!